Things My Mom Said - Volume One

It's a wonder I can leave the house.

“You are very long from neck to crotch and have short legs.”

We were in the JCPenney’s dressing room the summer before I began 7th grade. I was trying on pastel pink Guess overalls (long ones) with my bubble gum pink Reeboks - a classic 1980’s look. I came out to model the overalls for my mom and she inexplicably commented on my body proportions in a voice loud enough for the entire junior’s section of Penney’s to hear. I’m not sure why or what the point of her commentary was but for years I thought I had a long torso. I even ordered long torso bathing suits from Lands End for nearly a decade. For the record, I DON’T HAVE A LONG TORSO. I’m five feet, four inches tall and tragically, no part of me is long. The “short legs” part is accurate.

NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A LONG TORSO.

“You don’t have the fine motor skills for that.”

This was my mom’s response when I said I might want to be a doctor. I guess she meant I wouldn’t be good at surgery or…stitching people up? This was also her response when I said I wanted to learn how to sew since I always need things hemmed (see short legs above) and I spend a lot of money having things monogrammed. Do I really lack fine motor skills? I honestly have no idea.

“Have you recorded yourself singing?”

This, in response to my announcement that I was trying out for my elementary school choir. In fact, I had not recorded myself singing and when I did, I saw her point. I tried out anyway and was offered a spot in the “handbell choir.” That marked the end of my musical career.

“I think we need to have your thyroid checked.”

This was her greeting when I arrived home from my first semester in college. Translation: “There’s no way you gained this much weight in just a few months.”

“How many different colors is your hair now?”

Translation: “Your hair appears to be a color that does not appear in a world I want to live in.” In my defense, my hair began to turn grey just after my daughter was born in my early thirties. It was probably due to worrying about my freakishly long torso. My mom turned 40 when I was a senior in college (!) and she still didn’t have any grey hair. She is a gorgeous redhead who, now in her 70’s, colors her hair with a drugstore product and it always looks great. Growing up, we didn’t have much money but I never once saw my mom leave the house without “putting on her face” and washing, drying, and styling her hair.

“Wouldn’t sleeves and gloves be more appropriate?”

This, while dress shopping for my wedding to be held in the height of summer in Washington, D.C. No, and no!

“Freckles on your hands really age a woman.”

All right, let me go and put my day gloves on.

Never Not Shopping

• I’m still on the grey kick and picked up this cardigan ($121.50) that Jen Shoop found. Good price!

• I tried on these Frances Valentine wool pants ($695, ridiculous I know, trust me I know) from my Fall Glow Ups letter at my local boutique this week (so happy to have one in town now). Heads up - these pants are really high waisted and almost corset-like. As in, they nearly come up to my bra, but it’s probably because I have a short torso (boom!). I will be sizing up one if not two sizes. They didn’t have a full size run at my store so I’m stuck having to take a chance on an online order.

• Love this whimsical Lizzy Fortunado ring ($220).

• Intrigued by Christina’s recommendation about red socks. Life changing?

• Fun nylon Marc Jacobs bag in pink on TRR ($42).

• Pretty, sleek brown leather bag on TRR for fall - would be fab for work ($205).

• Gucci loafer heels size 8 on TRR ($395)!!!!!

• Great price on a plaid Veronica Beard mini skirt on TRR ($75).

• Printed Manolo pumps with a manageable kitten heel on TRR ($210)

• I exchanged this Hill House dress for a larger size and still ended up returning; it was too short and too low cut in the front for me after all. I kept this one though, and am excited for the HH fall launch next week.

Gen Z Trend of The Week - all the cool kids at the high school where I work are wearing these Nikes - I believe they are called the Air Dunk Jumbo Remastered in Mint Foam. I was so taken with them that I (embarrassingly, in retrospect) asked my student if I could take a picture. I’m sure she’s inwardly rolling her eyes and hoping I will not show up for work wearing them.

Post-Scripts

• I watched the first episode of the Apple+ tv series Drops of God after reading about it on Downtime and I am hooked.

• Enjoyed this New York Times review of “Glossy” by the fabulous Hunter Harris.

• In food news, my husband was out of town this week and my daughters are day students at the boarding school where I work so they eat dinner in the dining hall. That left me to my Single Girl Dinner. This is what I ate five days in a row. Why dirty a dish when I can eat on a paper towel, standing up, while talking on the phone to my mom about the status of my hair?

  

  Mom: “what are you eating?”

  Me: “carrots.”

  Mom: “Good. I know you like to eat junk when Steve is out of town and the girls aren’t home.”

  Overheard last night from Daughter 2 “Where are all the crackers? Like actually, there are no crackers in this house.”

Thank you for reading and for being here!

XOXO,

Tara